1. I will not argue with anyone. 2. No complaining 3.The Gratitude Attitude TRICK 1: GRATITUDE DIARY When you feel like shit ( or whenever) start this diary up. Repeat it every other week or as needed. 1. Monday: Write down 3 things you are grateful to have / have had in your life. 2. Tuesday: Think back to a great moment in your life and how it made you feel. Write a short description of that event and your feelings at the time. 3. Wednesday: If you did everything right and everything went the way you want, what would your life be like? Write a short description of it and how happy you are in this life. 4. Thursday: Think of a person who is dear to you. If you had only one chance to tell them how much they mean to you and your life, what would you tell them? Write that down. 5. Friday: Write down 3 things that went great for you in the last 7 days and write why you think they turned out so well. Could be anything like getting a good haircut or becoming omnipotent through the use of dark magic. TRICK 2: BUY EXPERIENCES, NOT GOODS Also consider giving other people gifts. TRICK 3: SMILE MORE, SIT UP, ACT HAPPY Smile for 15-30 second intervals randomly during the day. Use things like your phone ringing as random cues to do this. -Sit up straight for a few minutes a couple times a day. - Walk more relaxed, swinging your arms more. -Make more expressive hand gesture when talking, -nod your head more when others are speaking, -wear more colorful clothing, use positively charged words ( love, like, fond, hamburgers), -use fewer self-references - have a larger variation in the pitch of your voice - speak slightly faster -have a significantly firmer handshake. 4.Learned Optimism Personalization: Internalize vs. Externalize People who blame themselves have low self-esteem as a result. People who blame external events preserve their self-esteem and like themselves better. Optimists internalize good events and externalize bad events. Pessimists do the opposite. Curing Depression Cognitive therapy works You learn to recognize the automatic thoughts that pop into your head at the times you feel worst You learn to dispute your automatic thoughts by marshaling contrary evidence You learn to make different explanations, called reattributions, and use them to dispute your automatic thoughts You learn how to distract yourself from depresing thoughts. You learn to recognize and question the depression-sowing assumptions governing so much of what you do When to use Optimism If you are in an achievement situation (e.g. selling, writing a book) If you are concerned about how you will feel If the situation is likely to be protracted, and your physical health is an issue If you want to lead, inspire, or win votes When to use Pessimism If your goal is to plan for a risky and uncertain future If your goal is to counsel others whose future is dim, do not use optimism initially If you want to appear sympathetic, don't start with optimism, though using it later once confidence and empathy are established will help If the cost of failure is high, optimism is the wrong strategy. The ABCDE Model Definition A = Adversity B = Belief C = Consequences D = Disputation E = Energization Adversity The objective description of what happened (not your interpretation of it) Belief Your beliefs are how you interpret the adversity. Be sure to separate thoughts from feelings (feelings are Consequences) You can check the accuracy of thoughts; you can't check the accuracy of feelings--if you feel sad, you are sad Consequences Your feelings, and what you did. Often you will feel more than one thing Write down as many as you are aware of What did you do then? Disputation There are two ways to deal with pessimistic beliefs--distraction and disputation Distraction There are several simple but effective thought-stopping techniques Ringing a loud bell Carry a 3x5 card with the word STOP on it Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it hard To keep your thoughts from returning to a negative belief, direct your attention elsewhere Concentrate on a small object with all your focus When adversity strikes, schedule some time--later--for thinking things over Write the troublesome thoughts down the moment they occur Disputation A deeper, more lasting remedy for disturbing beliefs is to dispute them. Go on the attack. It's easy to distance oneself from the accusations of others, but when we launch the attack ourselves, we assume it must be true. Wrong! The 4 Disputation Techniques Evidence Show that the negative belief is factually incorrect. Ask, "What is the evidence for this belief?" Unlike positive thinking, which consists of trying to believe upbeat statements in the absence of evidence, learned optimism is about accuracy Repeating positive statements doesn't raise mood or achievement; it's how you cope with negative statements that has effect ("the power of non-negative thinking") Most people catastrophize--they select the potential cause with the direst implications--you can easily dispute this by pointing to the distortions in this Alternatives Most events have many causes. Pessimists latch on to the worst possible cause. To generate alternative explanations, focus on changeable, specific, non-personal causes Implications **Sometimes, the negative belief is correct. If that's the case, you can still de-catastrophize. "Even if my belief is correct, what are it's real implications?" You can then repeat the search for evidence Usefulness Sometimes, the consequences of holding a belief matter more than the truth of that belief E.g. Your belief that life isn't fair is true, but doesn't do much for you If a belief isn't useful, try distraction, or look to the future. "Is the situation changeable? How can I go about changing it?" Practice the ABCDE technique with a friend or spouse providing the negative criticism to challenge you. 5.No insulting people 6.NO SWEARING 7-How to be nice in 16 steps. Smile to the people you meet, it will urge the other person to smile back. Don't be shy to introduce yourself to new people Start a conversation. Everyone loves compliments, so don't be afraid to say something positive about the other person. Make arrangements to meet or talk almost every week Get them something nice once in a while. Be polite to others Be nice to everyone, even those who have been nasty to you. Be eager to offer help Offer to help clean up after a party or a get-together Always remember to treat people the way you would like to be treated If people are nasty to you, always treat them nicely even though you don't want to. If you have people who are very ill-mannered to you, never act the same way back, because you are bringing yourself down to their level. If you are having trouble seeing the best in people, think of their talents. Do things that are fun to the people and make them feel good 8- DON'T GET DOWN ON YOURSELF