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Terrible Youtube Videos With Millions of Views
by:Pox
2010/09/28
From time to time I come across a Youtube video with a ridiculous number of views and absolutely no way to explain why. These videos aren't just bad because I personally think so, these are OBJECTIVELY devoid of any redeeming quality. You will struggle to sit through any of these videos, even the 30 second ones.

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VIDEO: HUSH LITTLE BABY
Views as of this writing: 2,415,875
That's the population of... Houston, Texas
Description: A terrible lullaby plays while videos of presumably muslim babies fade into each other.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd kick Chuck Norris in the nuts from behind and try to get away with it.


What I have to say about this:

Yep, someone stole a song and put it over pictures of babies. No effort, no artistic merit and the song is terrible. Why would anyone watch this? According to the views information on Youtube, only the people in Pakistan know.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: GH2 - Psycho Freakout - Expert (8 years old)
Views as of this writing: 11,475,052
That's the population of... Greece
Description: A Rain Man-esque kid plays guit...AAAAAAAAH MY FUCKING EARS WHAT IS THIS AAAAAAH!
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd go to sleep alone at night in the deep dark woods to make the screeching stop. Forever.


What I have to say about this:

I don't care if you have the only clear footage of Bigfoot in existence, you don't upload a video that sounds like Satan is trying to probe your mind.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: jingle bells
Views as of this writing: 12,108,259
That's the population of... Zimbabwe
Description:Some gay Christmas song plays over a bunch of corny animations the author has found around the web.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd give presents to my loved ones for once this Christmas.


What I have to say about this:

Massive popularity is only 10 minutes and 15 animated .GIFs away!

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: Schnappi Das Kleine Krokodil
Views as of this writing: 12,797,261
That's the population of... Senegal
Description: Wha..whaa?
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: ..?? Wha? What's going on?


What I have to say about this:

Aaa..aa wha...what?

What users have to say about this:



Ok, that makes sense.


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VIDEO: How to solve a Rubik's Cube (Part One)
Views as of this writing: 16,522,206
That's the population of... Netherlands
Description: A nerd teaches you how to solve a Rubik's Cube as though anyone gave a fuck.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: Nothing because I didn't even watch it! Ha!


What I have to say about this:

I can't believe 16 million people really care about solving a Rubik's Cube. There's got to be something amazing that happens in the middle of this video. Sadly I'll never find out.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: I'M OUT OF TOILET PAPER!!!
Views as of this writing: 18,412,484
That's the population of... Angola
Description: A girl takes 94 seconds to wipe her ass with a 100$ bill. There is no joke.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd eat vegetables and pretend I enjoyed it.


What I have to say about this:

Well at least I can guess as to why this is so POOpular. AAAAW

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: With You - Chris Brown Cover - Justin singing
Views as of this writing: 21,152,133
That's the population of... Romania
Description:Some kid sings softly over a terrible song with horrible audio quality. Oh wait is that Justin Bieber? Holy shit that sucks ass.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd hire a black person. ( lol awesome)



What I have to say about this:

So this is the infamous Justing Bieber. Notice the intense amount of suck contained in this as you can barely hear his voice or the song he's supposedly singing over. Didn't prevent 45 000 morons from commenting on his beautiful voice.
What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: Teletubbies
Views as of this writing: 23,017,059
That's the population of... Taiwan
Description: The Teletubbies intro song repeated...3 times...
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd pay for pornography.



What I have to say about this:

Look, if there's a joke in there somewhere I AM NOT GETTING IT. How can this have so many views? It's been 10 years since anyone gave a fuck about the Teletubbies.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: MONSTER SHARK
Views as of this writing: 27,204,055
That's the population of... Saudi Arabia
Description: A picture of a big shark someone found on google.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd shit in my own eyes.



What I have to say about this:

Yep, someone found a picture on Google and made a video to ask where it came from. That's why it has 27 million views and the answer to his question in every one of the 5000 pages of user comments who are, as always, even stupider than the uploader as they're still answering the question years later.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: I don't like you Mommy
Views as of this writing: 54,199,258
That's the population of... Italy
Description: A kid who likes cookies but not his mom.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd shut down my awesome website and then I'd shut down this one as well.



What I have to say about this:

Great, 35 seconds of my life I'll never get back. At least I learned that 3 year old kids are stupid and like cookies. That's just so hilarious! I love how this shitty, pointless video outranks thousands of professionally produced music videos. Yep, that's Youtube. Film your toddler doing or saying literally ANYTHING and you get a shot at randomly beating Michael Jackson in views.

What users have to say about this:



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VIDEO: Tootin' Bathtub Baby Cousins
Views as of this writing: 97,684,059
That's the population of... The Philippines
Description: Babies and fart jokes.
What I'd do to not have to watch this again: I'd eat a gallon of broccoli and swallow my own farts for a week.



What I have to say about this:

This would take about 2 hours to make in Flash. Just to give you a clue as to how shitty this is, notice how the duck has a big white square around it when it movies. WOW.
What users have to say about this:



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Well that's it, I can't take any more. Youtube has finally proven that literally ANYTHING can become popular. Even Marcel Duchamp and Andy Warhol would complain about how this shit is minimalist and stupid. And that's the guy who sold a shitty painting of Elvis for 100 million dollars. He must have been pretty confident no one would out-stupid his buyers but he'd weep if he learned about what was happening today on the internet.


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