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WHY PEOPLE HATE DANE COOK.

by:Pox

2008/02/18

I have to say I love that guy. Ever since the first time I saw him do his 'Price is Right' routine on Comedy Central 6-7 years ago. In fact, it was this exact show from 2000. But as he's become more and more popular, people have started to really hate him. A lot. Of course since I liked him before he was in movies with Jessica Alba, I don't let jealousy cloud my fun zone. So let's see if we can find why the hell Dane Cook is so damn hated.

1. He's Good-Looking
Quick, name 5 good-looking stand-up comics. I'm not gay or anything, but 'funny guys' are never good-looking. Why? It's like asking why a blind dude eventually develops a heightened sense of hearing. Aside from being rich, being funny is your next best chance to attract wenches. Not convinced?

Look at this lineup:

I mean, JESUS

Compare these guys to this face:

Most comedians are pasty, pot-bellied, hairy, balding middle-aged men and he's an underwear model. That pisses guys off so damn much. In fact it sort of pisses me off. I bet he has a small dick.

2. He's not black

No better way to stand out as a comic than not being black. I can't even remember a single time where a black guy's act wasn't composed almost entirely of black guys/ white guys jokes or jokes about "the ghetto". Yeah sometimes it's pretty damn hilarious, but I just hate it that every time I listen to a black comedian, I think "oh here comes the one-way racist jokes" and I'm never wrong ( well obviously). Of course you can't openly hate a black comedian in America. But you can hate Dane Cook as much as you want.

3. He's a Jock

Everyone hates Jocks. Jocks can kick their ass and steal their girlfriends.

4. He gets all the girls

Dan in Real Life, Employee of the Month, Good Luck Chuck... damn you. This confuses and angers people. Somehow he's funny but he doesn't have to rely on his jokes to get women. What's the point of being funny then? Worst, he makes jokes about Nintendo and Transformers. What? A nerd too? And he gets to sleep with Jessica Alba / Simpson? Damn it, what did my Nintendo ever do for me?

5. He's funny
That's what really pisses people off the most. People like George Carlin or Denis Leary, it's alright if you swing either way. I mean, they're not really funny. They swear a lot and make "points" but depending on the weather or if you have something better to do ( like watching Wayne's World ) you'll laugh at them or with them. But I'm sorry, Dane Cook is hilarious. You really have to sit there and be a giant douchebag while watching his act just to not crack a smile. It's sort of like people who hate South Park. You can't hate that show, it's not possible. It's funny. It's become so much funnier than the Simpsons ever dared to dream they could be.

People hate that Dane Cook is funny. They want to hate him so damn bad for everything else, but when it comes down to it they have to admit he does his job well and that just enrages them. It's not like that fat turd Carlos Mencia who everyone hates about as much as Dane Cook. It's so strange because mencia is like Bizarro Dane Cook. They don't have a single thing in common other than a lot of air time. And he was even accused of stealing Jokes but here's what the "victim" had to say:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRcem3Nk17s&feature=related
All this confirms is that people who hate Dane Cook sound like idiots.