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Bullshit Lines from Movies

by:Pox

2009/02/11

Sometimes you're watching a movie and one character says something so stupid or wrong that it makes you cringe. If you're anything like me, you climb on your chair and howl at the screen while throwing small objects. I do that all the time when they start talking about time paradoxes or hacking in the early 90s.

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THE MOVIE: STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI
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THE STUPID:

LUKE
You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.

BEN
Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true... from a certain point of view.

LUKE
A certain point of view!

BEN
Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

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NO YOU LIAR YOU LIED WHY WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAH.There's no getting around this one. This is an outright lie. Just because you're old, it doesn't mean you get to explain away your tall tales as "it was my opinion".

Man I'm good with photoshop. Holy shit.

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THE MOVIE: ROCKY IV
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THE STUPID:

ROCKY
Maybe I can't win.
Maybe the only thing I can do... is just take everything he's got.
But to beat me, he'll have to kill me.
And to kill me...he'll have to have the heart to stand in front of me.
And to do that...
he has to be willing to die himself.
I don't know if he's ready to do that.
I don't know.

==========================

For those who haven't seen the movie: he's arguing with his wife about going to Russia to fight this 260 pound super-athlete who just killed the former heavyweight champion of the world without breaking a sweat.

Rocky's plan is apparently to hope the other guy doesn't show up. The funniest thing is that the Russian is a captain in the Soviet Army... Yeah I'm sure he wouldn't have the balls to put his life on the line...

Later in the movie, Drago punches Rocky's head clean off. So yeah, that's what you get for being stupid.

p.s. You can read that part of the script as many times as you like, it will NEVER make any sense.

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THE MOVIE: KARATE KID
==========================
THE STUPID:

DANIEL
What were you doing on those stumps?

MIYAGI
- Called crane technique.

DANIEL
- Does it work?

DANIEL
If do right, no can defence.

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Alright let's pretend for one moment that the crane kick isn't completely stupid...
So ok, let me get this straight: there's a kick that YOU CAN'T DEFEND AGAINST? There's no defence? If I do this move, I'll always win? So why the hell have we been wasting all this time training? Just show me the kick already. In fact I don't see why martial arts exist at all, let's all just learn the kick and whoever can do it the fastest is the best martial artist alive. Case closed.

The strenght of this move lies in the fact that no one can see it coming...er...

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THE MOVIE: JURASSIC PARK
==========================
THE STUPID:

IAN MALCOLM
Gee, the lack of humility... before nature... being displayed here.. staggers me

( insert long stupid rant )

HAMMOND
I don't think you're giving us our due credit, our scientists have done things which no one has ever done before!

IAN MALCOLM
Yeah, yeah, but your scientists were so preocuppied with wether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should!

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And it's not like this isn't a reccurent theme in Hollywood, where poor helpless man tries to control the wily forces of nature and loses every single time. Well let's get back to reality here for a moment: man BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF OF EVERY ANIMAL, ALL THE TIME. We've nearly hunted whales to extinction, you think it's really going to be a problem to put a couple dinosaurs in a cement pen? We can build dams that stop the flow of mighty rivers but we're too stupid to shape the concrete into a pit where we can put a couple of dinosaurs? If the Ian Malcoms of the real world were ever proven right, there wouldn't be a week where elephants don't break out of zoos and kill all the visitors.

And on to the second point: what exactly is he scared of? NO, YOU HAVE MADE DINOSAURS! HUH... THEY WILL... HUH... ... DIE OUT IF YOU DON'T FEED THEM! They're animals for fuck's sake. ANIMALS. Animals suck at everything.

Man with stick > 80 metric ton whale.

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THE MOVIE: KING KONG
==========================
THE STUPID:

COP
Gee, what a sight. Well, the aviators got him.

DENHAM
Oh no, 'twasn't the aviators It was Beauty killed the Beast

==========================

You know, that kind of tear-jerking crap might be appropriate for something like Dracula staying in a woman's room a little too long and crumbling to dust as the sun rises, but I really don't think it accurately describes how a 40 foot barely sentient ape died after being shot 500 times by airplanes before falling from the tallest building in the world.
No, I really think that he would be fucked regardless of his ape-feelings being hurt