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Damn Hotmail...

by:Pox

2008/09/20

So this morning I went to check my email to find this gem:

Notice anything missing? Anything hidden under a dumbass hamburger commercial?

Supprimer=Delete

Yeah I couldn't delete the crap without clicking on their stupid McDonald's ad.

Hotmail is the first thing I signed up to on the net back in 2000. And now when I go to my mail, it loads Msn's crappy-ass page with it, where I can get all the useless boring tips I don't want about the most embarassing Angelina Jolie moments or the best shrimp cocktail recipes for the summer.

Here's what I have today:

-Megan Fox has Loved a Woman! hot
-The Worst Scandals of the Music Industry! who cares
-What to do With a Kid who Drinks and Steals? burlap bag+ bamboo sticks
-10 Activities for a Baby Shower. top one: not going
-Wikileaks Recovers Palin's emails. well ONE person cares
-Victims of India inundations. not news, it's just so you feel sorry
-Video of Mitsou ( hot Quebec singer from like 1990 ) Taking her Blouse off in the Arena.

Curious, I clicked on the last one. Is Hotmail trying to get me tits? So it leads to another image-saturated clusterfuck page:

Of course I have to watch a commercial before I get to see my boobs. Ok fine.

Then it loads. Wow, lucky me, it's a stupid Flash animation narrated in French with horrible, horrible jokes about how a gambler is better than a hot topless chick.

"The gambler will be addicted all his life, but Mitsou won't stay hot all her life!">

How little shame could anyone possibly have to stoop down to that? Holy shit. Hey I have a FUNNY JOKE FOR YOU: Pamela Anderson will get old AND OLD PEOPLE ARE UGLY! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GIMME MONEY.

Back to msn...

So apparently I'm a gossipy bitchy Quebec woman in her 30s who misses Jenny Jones and buys magazines about stupid shit celebrities do.

Why don't you just shup up and deliver my Cialis spam quietly?

And I know it's in French. I didn't do that. I'm pretty sure it updates based on your Internet Provider.

And the only reason I'm signed up to Hotmail is because it was the easiest back in 2000 for some dumb teenager who didn't know anything about the net. Maybe it's time to change to Gmail for good, but then Google would start owning pretty much everything.

My bets before 2010: Google makes a chat program that rapes Skype's ass.

2012: Google purchases a small island in the Pacific, it is renamed Googlia.

2016: Google sends its first sattelite up in the night's sky. It may contain a laser.

2020: The top 0.00001% smartest people on earth ( including me of course ) now live on Googlia.

2030: The Earth has almost been destroyed by a savage race of dimension-traveling reptiles, the cyborg citizens of Googlia create a rift in reality and escape to an Earth in the 6th dimension.

AND I WILL BE THERE WHILE EVERYONE WHO STILL USES HOTMAIL WILL BE THORN APART BY A T-REX WITH A RAY GUN.

Note: Dinosaurs are not technically reptiles.

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