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Straight Men Are Pedophiles

by:Pox

2011/11/22

This is old news at this point but it was so stupid it traveled to the future to make me angry and sad. A couple years ago there was this crabby feminist on television ( might have been in an episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit) who said something that women shouldn't shave their private parts because that will incite men to want to fuck younger-looking girls and eventually children. Yes great logic. Little girls have no pubic hair, therefore anyone who is interested in having sex with a person that has no pubic hair wants to fuck children.

So let's extrapolate this brilliant logic. Kids don't have armpit hair either, or leg hair. In fact the exact opposite of a kid is a burly gay bear.

I'm becoming more straight already!

So if you want to get with anything but that, you're probably well on your way to owning an old van, a trench coat and a basement full of dead children. Just to play it safe, you should try and be attracted to the thing that resembles a kid the least. I think that's either a vat full of worms or the sound of a pumpkin being dropped on a small dog's back.

While I'm on the subject of old news that has been talked about to death, remember a few years back how Australia decided that women with small tits were basically like sexy toddlers?

Australia Demands Large Breasts

"They banned mainstream pornography from showing women with A-cup breasts, apparently on the grounds that they encourage paedophilia"

Just sit back for a second and think about how stupid a person has to be to do this. Just really let it sink. That's the kind of person disclaimers on Pop Tart boxes are written for. This is who instructions on Ziploc bags are aimed at. People like this should not be in charge of anything.

Ever.

The only other thing I can think of is that they're projecting their secret filhy desires onto others. "Well A-cups makes ME want to bone every kid I see, so it must be true of others! But they don't have the superior moral self-control that I have, therefore I shall make a law to prevent their simian instincts from plunging the country into anarchy... ... ...man I want to fuck kids..."

And while I'm on the subject of retards, here's the stupidest thing I've seen written in a long time:

This is the one adult per year who dies suffocated by a plastic bag. This is the kind of person who goes to the ER because they glued their fingers together with Krazy Glue. One of my friends once worked at a hospital and said that a man came in with an eggplant up his ass. And a can of Axe body spray. That he tried to use to get the vegetable out. That guy is way smarter than someone who thinks the only opinions worth sharing are positive ones.

Or...WAIT! Maybe he's right! Let me try.

"Dear unique person, I think everyone is extremely smart when compared to you! I just want to compliment them on the great job they are all doing by avoiding your level! A+ TEAM! :) "

I should probably not get on that person's bad side though... people that stupid with such a kiss-ass mentality can't help but end up as powerful public figures...

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