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Resolutions Step 1: Eat Healthier

by:Pox

2012/01/06

Ah, New Year again! Time for resolutions, people failing at resolutions and assholes who don't take any resolutions pointing out why everyone sucks at keeping resolutions.

Resolution 1: Eat Healthier
Resolution 2: GO TO SLEEP!
Resolution 3: Count Money!
Resolution 4: 59 Seconds
Resolution 5: Follow Politics
Resolution 6: Do Fitocracy Quests
Resolution 7: Get Six Pack
Resolution 8: Shhhh It's a secret
Resolution 9: No More Binging
Resolution 10: Saving Money
Resolution 11: Promote my Dumbass Site!
Resolution 12: A New Food Every Day!

I've decided to do a 12 step program this year. Each month, make a new lifestyle change until it all adds up at the end of the year. The key to success is to start small and have a plan. Follow along with me and make your life better! Or at least, more interesting.

GOAL 1: EAT HEALTHIER

(very hard)
* Difficulty varies on your current lifestyle obviously...

That's got to be the most cliche and common New Year's Resolution out there! Why, any dumbass can do it, that statement is practically meaningless!

No! There are rules here. ALWAYS RULES.

RULES. SO YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

1.No more binging on empty calories.
Binging is fine. I'm not going to stop eating 50 pieces of sushi in one sitting or a giant meat sandwich if I want to. But no more binging on empty calories.

Empty fats: Most cheeses, cream, fried foods, chips, whole milk, butter, salad dressing, mayonaise, nuts and nut butters, etc.
Empty carbs: White bread / pasta, candy, jam, syrups, dried fruits, stc.
Double trouble: Pastries, ice cream, donuts, cake, cookies, chocolate... pretty much everything good...

The goal is to buy none of this stuff for myself for one year.

2: SNACK HEALTHY

Avoid empty calories and snack on lame-ass foods like raw vegetables and whole fruits. If you're going to a party with friends, be the square who brings a bag of apples. You're not going to eat 1200 calories of apples, but you can eat that many Ruffles before the sound of the bag being opened reaches your eardrums.

3: DON'T DRINK CALORIES

That's easy enough. Don't drink anything that has calories. If you go to a party, it's alright to drink, but don't drink with your meals. That means no fruit juice, no sodas, no alcohol, no sugar / milk / cream in your coffee... IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE. DON'T BE AN IDIOT. Drink water, tea, black coffee, herbal teas and diet drinks. Diet drinks are perfectly fine. I'm drinksing some right now and don't tumor have a brain in my cancerous banana poney.

4: When you eat out, eat better

It's ok to take the vegetables instead of the fries. You CAN have the garden salad instead of the ranch.

5: Use smart condiments

Chuck out the BBQ sauce, the mayo, the ketchup and the dressing. Use low-sugar ketchup, salsa, mustard, tabasco sauce, balsamic vinegar and spices to flavor your food.

I'm already doing most of this stuff, but I've decided to turn it NUCLEAR for a year and see what happens. This is HARD and NOT NECESSARY. You can have anything you want in moderation.

IF YOU DO THIS FOR A YEAR:

What could you expect from doing this for a year? Well a pound of body fat is roughly 3500 calories. So let's analyze the rules!

1. Binge on healthy foods == save 1000 calories every time you binge ( every 2 weeks or so for me ) == 26 000 calories
2. Snack healthy == save 100-200 calories every time you snack ( 2 times a week for me ) == 15 600 calories
3. Don't drink calories == Let's say you cut out 1 small glass of juice per day ( 150 calories) == 55 000 calories
4. When you eat out, eat better == Again, let's say you save 300 calories a month == 3600
5. Use smart condiments == If you replace mayo with mustard in all your lunch sandwiches, that's 50 calories a day easily == 18 250

TOTALS: 118 450 calories, or 34 pounds of fat.

Obviously I'm not planning to lose 34 pounds this year because then I'd be dead, but that means that I'm eating 30+ pounds of empty calories. Think of all the extra nutrients you could be getting if you simply switched that intake to better foods!

Alright, that about does it for the first part out of 12 of this fun lifestyle change project. Don't worry, the rest won't be nearly as complicated or hard as this one!

The goal for this year is to try out new things and see what sticks in the long run. Even if you fail, trying something new will make you happier and wiser.

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