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YOU WILL BUY THE X-BOX ONE

by:Pox

2013/01/17

For a couple days now people have been bitching about X-Box's new console, the X-Box One, citing concerns like the fact that it will probably require going online every day, won't support indy developers and will force people to buy used games at 90% of the price of the new games minimum.

It's so enticing, look at how diverse the people involved in their launch commercial are!

Yep.

There's even a surprise guest:

Haven't you done enough already? >:(

Of course it's interspersed with the most condescending and lamest of quotes:

"We started... by bringing gaming to life.By bringing life...to gaming..."
"Then..we added you!"

Isn't that sickening? How does a human being write this and then think anyone listening to it won't feel like he's being talked down to?

"So now... we're about to change entertainment forever. AGAIN!"

Basically this refers to the fact that they're trying to replace cable in your house by allowing you to do your gaming and tv-watching from your x-box. I have no idea how this is revolutionary as I've been doing exactly the same with my PC for 10 years on top of listening to music, checking my email, getting work done and updating a stupid website. Guess I've been changing entertainment forever without the backing of billions of dollars! WOW!

To top it all off, it seems that Xbox One will be heavily dependant on an internet connection to update your gamer profile or make sure you aren't pirating anything / enjoying anything for free. I imagine they shat their pants after seeing what happened to EA after their Sim City 4 fiasco. Their greed cost them millions, to the delight of everyone.

But people will buy it. How do I know?

Look at these mongoloids, waiting in line for days to buy the next iPhone. Everything about the iPhone is terrible besides the technology. It's a company trying to tell YOU how you can and can't use their product. They are putting restrictions that don't need to exist just so they can make more and more money off people and everyone is still buying into it.

So, please, you bitches, you're going to FLOCK to buy this console. The Microsoft execs know this. With the constant barrage of anti piracy and anti internet freedom legislation entertainment corporations are constantly passing to force you to pay them for their shitty services, this console is a lock. Completely legal all-in-one entertainment platform. Just give them the money and you don't need to think anymore, you can just stay in their network and access any game, movie or tv show you want from one account.

I don't know anything, don't listen to me. Except in not buying this console. JUST DON'T DO IT. Please THIS TIME FOR ONCE ACTUALLY STICK TO YOUR WORD AND BOYCOTT SOMETHING.

Meanwhile I'll just stick to my own ultra-futuristic all-in-one entertainment system that also happens to support media freedom, free content and indy developers all the while allowing me to update its hardware whenever I want! WOW